Question by Dean: What kind of consequences will depression have on the future ?
[rewrite]My story starts in 2008 when i was 12 years old , i had a leg illnes and i got isolated in my house , had 4 operations , couldnt get out and hang with my friends and i felt all alone and was suicidal back then , but the real problems started in 2009 , when i was 13 , my brother who was 14 attempted suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills when we were on vacations at the family of my mother . But the ambulance got in time and he was saved , i felt embarassed a little bit , because my whole family was watching him and i was always the shy kid. After he was saved and we got back to our little apartment we shared with my grandparents , my brother changed . He started fighting with my dad , running from house , getting drunk , became violent etc . At that time as a thirteen year boy i didnt have any friends or anyone to talk with , so i fell in love with a girl of my age , it was like an ”escape” from all the depression i was in , but i loved her so much , that even when i was just thinking of her , i felt more happy , i talked with her 2 years as a friend , but i always wanted she to by my gf, after 2 years when i was 15 , i asked her , but she said no , that was really bad for me . At that time when i was 15 , my brother was getting addicted to hard drugs, he gave me my first joint when i was 14 , but i always sticked to weed and alcoohol . But i wasnt anymore the innocent kid in the family , when i was 15 i stole some money from my aunts house , she was a rich woman , i told my brother about it , so he started stealing more and more money and using it for drugs and other bad things . When my parents knew about him and drugs , they got really alarmed and did everything to stop him , at that time i was getting robbed by a gang of crazy criminels 7 times, but i didnt told anybody , i faced it all alone . So my parents were only focused to my brother and it seemed like they forget about me . One day the police caught my brother with 2000 $ and arrested him . He told my mother and my father that he stoled it from his aunt , and by knowing that he didnt have anything to do anymore , he was sent to rehab center for drug abuse . So everything ended with that for him , but the problem is with me . At that time when he was sent to the rehab centes , i was all alone , i was failing to get registered in a high school , waited two months and i started going in a high school . But even when everything was ok , i still couldnt deal with my past , so i used the same method to ”escape” from depression that i used when i was 13. I fell in love with a girl in my class , started talking to her for two years , and after two years ( i am 17 now ) i asked her out , she said no. This is the problem for me , i try to find something to live for but i cant get it . I dont smoke weed anymore , but i still use alcohol and cigarettes to calm myself , sometimes i get angry for little things , sometimes i cry everyday ,and i dont have anyone to talk to about my problems. Since my brother went to rehab two years ago i became an atheist and a knowledge seeker so dont give me answers like ” pray to god ” . All my life i just was like the guy who went to home after school , smoked ciggarettes in his room all alone and thinked about my future, my past , meaning of life etc , i still know how to keep myself from all these bad moods , but please tell me , im 17 now , will this have bad consequences in the future ?, sorry about my bad english.
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